A non-exhaustive list of things I find sexy …
A mean Pilates instructor - When I use the word “mean”, I am not talking about shaming or cruel (which is extremely not sexy). I’m talking hard to impress. Brutally hard classes. A stern demeanour. A keen eye, hunting for corrections. Something about this kind of dynamic turns me into the most devoted pupil. So, when I get a compliment about the range in motion on my side-overs, it means something. It makes my day. Do I have a praise kink? Only at Pilates.
Physical books – Tangible paper, unfurling. The spine cracking. Hardcover or softcover, I don’t mind. The roughness or softness. You can take notes in the margin, turn over the corners. Lending someone a book is the ultimate flirt (but don’t give out anything sentimental or irreplaceable). Kindles are not and will never be sexy. Like, a library is sexy. Librarians are sexy. An Apple store is not. Capiche?
The train – OK hear me out. Growing up in Australia, the train is a horrible rite of passage that we all bond over. No one in Australia EVER looks forward to catching the train. It wasn’t until I travelled to Europe and Asia that I discovered the train as an A+ mode of transportation. I know people find planes sexy (mile high club and all that), but I personally choose to watch devastatingly sad movies on the plane (shout out to the airline hostess who brought me tissues as I bawled my eyes out to Carol). The plane is dehydrating and puts you in a strange, timeless purgatory, like a shopping centre or a casino.
But the train? The train has views of the countryside whipping past, enough adjacency to other people for the potential friction of human contact, you can stare wistfully out of the window, main character energy unlocked. It’s grounding, romantic and there’s something about it that is both old worldly and thoroughly modern. Every time I fly from Sydney to Melbourne, spend two hours at the airport waiting and going through security, I think about how we’ve been robbed of high-speed rail. A travesty.
Pickles - I have rarely been aroused by a sweet flavour (though a fresh lemon tart takes me closest). What makes me tick are vinegary, sour or salty things. The etymology of a pickle – the resistance, the soft crunch, the overwhelming salivation. Please sir, just one more …
High heels – To me, there is something very sexy about impracticality. Beautiful things can be accessible and comfortable, but there is something very sensual about the unyielding. The first time I wore a pair of Louboutins, I really got it. Yes walking is hard (unless you’re Zendaya), but that doesn’t matter. The length it gives to your legs, the way you’re forced to stand tall, to sway your hips, part Bambi, part 90’s supermodel. Is this a treatise to wear heels all the time? Hell no (my late great grandmother's bunions attest to this). But is it fun to bring them out for a sexy date at the wine bar, or in the bedroom? Absolutely.
